Whisky River

Almost two weeks later the pain relief was represented by a constant river. This river called life was helping me to see clear that I know nothing and I need to sleep to get a better recover from all those nights. Once upon a time in Vienna happened some verses, some old words that I hide now into my Pandora’s Box.

I

One wild side of the river, blood is flushed away. Tears apart, no break, no wait, pain, earless, lost mind.

The dark side of the moon was not a joke. That place hurts, bleeds and makes you feel like hell.

Then you try pills, you forget meals, you skip them, you cry, dry your tears, talk again, talking plastic, talking deeply. Wondering being an alcoholic would relief better the pain. Lose yourself into the reality…

Why people get mad at this place… why? Solitude, Isolation.

Why people want to die, to live, to kiss, to have sex?

We are humans, not robots. We act by anarchy, heart is fulfilled by anarchy and we are the peasants of our hearts.

The worst day was when I saw you leaving and I was born new.

Sad but true and it is in all good.

You.

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Mom-Trouble-Love-kidnapped-was-gambler-no-police-please

-call-John-urgent-M.

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Play list(goes “specially” to those who doesn’t like country): Whisky River by Willie Nelson

Into Red

Once more. Out of the road, erasing memories, repeating them, flash-forwards… Everything at the same time. When you lose your next stop because of thinking too much, thinking of feelings… then everything’s lost my friend. And I say this to me, as I walk as fast as I can. To reach home, to hide myself from the clouds, from the clouds up in the sky and from those even worse, clouds in heart.

If you think a movie like “Lost in Translation” is sad, this is just the starter. When you are absolutely happy or unhappy, when you find yourself absolutely normal, everything is on it’s place, there will be something that calls you, moves you, throws you out away and lets you down into the worst time. The time when you have to repeat pictures without any effect, the places that were part of your ideal set, suddenly turn into sharp thorns, a bit you move in there, a lot it will hurt.

When were we born? When was the day we were trusting love would be back again in life? And how to call those whispers of sudden happiness, fleeting brightly skies even when it’s cloudy? I was reconnecting to myself, I think I did. I think I’ve changed. For good ghosts were in holidays, even better… disappeared!

So until I find myself and reset my mental location at this beautiful place, I will play something nice to cut my veins. What else can we do? Poor girl, standing in front of the bakery. Where the biggest chocolate cake is laying just in front of her…

Bad luck, it’s already closed.

Chicago, 1963

Mom,

I’m sorry about this, but Love was found in here. I think he’s got the time when he pretends being funny. I’m worried because this city is turning a little bit wild at night.

I will be back in a couple of days. Please tell Uncle Robert to wait for the holy pie because Love’s just started his tricky game again. And please take care of Benji, maybe he needs something like… ham? Just a bit, you will see.

Hugs for everyone!

Marcie

And the playlist was All Dianne Reeves!

Something is happening to me

My life actually is just like the same song I’m listening now “Something is happening to me”. Because to those who didn’t know it is that I moved to Vienna for a while, ok, that sounds pretty ambitious. It’s just a month of “holidays” with a German course included. And I’m very happy because Vienna is one of my favourite places on the earth. Especially because my story in Europe started here.

I would like also to say, that as usual surprises took me … yes, by surprise. And some good new things happened. People I expected to be not nice at the course are even nicer, and those who I thought forgot me in time, did their best polite appearance. So I appreciate how life is letting me know things are not as I used to think. Mostly because I can’t consider myself with super powers to guess what is going on all around and yes, sad but true, or good and true, depends, I tend to dream a lot. This “gift” with time is tending to be under control because, we all cannot go through life dreaming without acting. But in the other hand, I do think we need some dreams to get further and put some good energy there.

So the thing is that I’m not only lonely I’m very lonely because even people in the flat aren’t here. But there is something, I feel great like this. I’m very happy I came to watch myself practicing or pretending other “roles”. That’s what I wanted to say, that we all play some roles at home, but when you move this way it’s great because people will believe whatever you create from yourself. But don’t misunderstand; I don’t like to take advantage from the others. I’m just talking about playing with our roles.

Since now I’m also looking for my inspiration because I’m starting to believe it is in vacation too.

Other thing is that my favourite human place is the train, metro, this way of transportation. And it is very interesting compared to Barcelona that people here is so quiet. Actually the country is so quiet. And other people tend to mark people of Eastern Europe (or Western Europe?) as cold, but they are beside polite very friendly. Ok maybe not at the airport. I might warn you that if you ever come, people will fight to get the best place to get their suitcases- as ever-. Besides food is good, weather is good and this is also turning into a good cheap description of a cheap trip guide. So let’s see what’s coming next here.

And the playlist has two songs (complete both!):

Panic At the Disco

The Green Gentleman

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd.
Little deaths in musical beds.
So it seems I’m someone I’ve never met.

You will only hear these elegant crimes,
Fall on your ears from criminal dimes.
They spill unfound from a pretty mouth.

Everybody gets there and everybody gets their, and everybody gets their way.
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her,
Now I’m the only one to blame.

Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
I feel the same, I’m on my way, and I say.
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.

I want to go where everyone goes,
I want to know what everyone knows,
I want to go where everyone feels the same.

I never said I’d leave the city,
I never said I’d leave this town.
A falling out we won’t tiptoe about.

Everybody gets there and everybody gets their, and everybody gets their way.
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her,
Now I’m the only one to blame.

Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say.
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
I feel the same, and I say.
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
(Well things have changed for me, come on everybody let's dance and sing)
I feel the same, and I say
(I'm singing it all night long, come on everybody and join along, I'm singing)
Things have changed for me, and that's okay
(Well things have changed for me, come on everyone let's dance and sing)
I feel the same, and I say
(I'm singing it all night long, come on everybody let's sing along)
Things have changed for me, and that's okay,
I'm on my way, and I say.

Things have changed for me.

R.E.M.

Hollow Man

I've been lost inside my head
Echoes fall on me
I took the priceless night for complicated mess
Persuading things I didn't mean and don't believe

Believe in me
Believe in nothing
Corner me
And make me something
I've become the hollow man, I
I've become the hollow man I see

Oh, I see this echoing
You have placed your trust in me
I went upside down
I emptied up the room
Thirty seconds left
I can't believe you held your ground

Believe in me
Believe in nothing

Corner me
And make me something
I've become the hollow man, I
I've become the hollow man I see

I'm overwhelmed
I'm on repeat
I'm emptied out
I'm incomplete
You trusted me
I want to show you
I don't want to be the hollow man

Believe in me
Believe in nothing
Corner me
And make me something
I've become the hollow man, I
I've become the hollow man I see
I see

Pensacola, few days later…

Hey Mars, would you mind to call home? We are worried Love is lost because he is not picking up the phone for days. We thought he was with you or said so.

In the local news just “if you didn’t know”, your sister is taller and Benji is barking the whole night. Uncle Robbie is also asking if you could bring some pumpkin pie, he’s sad since you left and has no clue (as us der!).

Please Take care and don’t drive late at night.

Loves you,

Mom

I've got the weapon...

July, 29th 2008

It’s been crazy when you need something or somewhere to write and you find yourself falling. Inspiration is just great.

So what was this about? Well, we need trashy things to enjoy life. For example, I found out that since Ipod is on the market, and even I love music, there was (and still) no way to convince me madly to get it. I’ve been building my ears through maybe 4 different mp3 during last 2 years and a half… But the point is that I also thought O.K. this year, New York, motherland of great things (a-ha) and home of very many famous musicians. Good place for sponsoring motivation to get that bug. Well… it didn’t happen. Then I left the idea for a while.

Today I thought about the main reason and maybe it is that I don’t need it. Just like that. I’m not weird or cool or anything. It’s just that music is by my side as all those people who have been in my life reminding me how much I love them.

Yesterday a friend was asking me he didn’t know I used to love music. Well, I thought, it’s a critical status when a friend tells you this. And then, there are two answers, one, maybe it’s not truth I love music and two, maybe we are not such good friends as I thought… Both reasons are particularly bothering and concerning me.

So this will be added to the well of wishes. And one more coin to guess what’s going on with who I am or what I like.

Amelia found the mirror broken into pices. Well… it couldn’t be better. Amelia’s heart was already broken so there were no bloody seven years in the middle.

One hit wonders

Well, it was a looong weekend. With so many things to think about, that I wouldn’t even know how to count them. Maybe by surprise, maybe by coincidence(s)? Maybe by those people who never knew you (tricky) knew they wouldn’t let you down.

So a couple of questions like…

Is one hit wonder like a one night stand? So good, so bad… indeed.

or…

Are good bands like “great love”?

It was certainly like that mechanic game, ups and downs….

And then as usual, without asking the answers came. It is not that I regret my weekend but I should think about time in other way. Suddenly I find myself in a new version of myself. Where life is going so fast that I even created a new way of staring, thinking, feeling… like an industrial oven but sometimes not a good one. Sometimes I’m so surprised about how I’m (we?) thinking or wanting things to happen. They should be happening by the very first second or latest the third. So “I pushed the button” and said stop to it. No one there around me would go as fast as I would and probably, would be clever to think that I was the very first one who wouldn’t like to get “faster”. Fast asking at the restaurant, fast calling home, fast getting to the places I wanted to go, fast getting into my interests... Is that I’m so into this life? Where everything is so fast and effective? Or is it that the book of the European and American economies is opening my eyes and making me to get a good drive around? What I think is “a normal way of life”? Complicated.

So the results were that I love writing, I love music and no matter what, the things I would love to do and have in my life are related to this two. Second, that I’ve got a chance to start again and this means that for one month I’m very free to treat myself in a different way. This means I have a new set where I can play as whoever I want to be. But, also means that those things that took long to understand or work out, will be there just on the first place to be manipulated and improved on the best way I want/ can.

Sooo since tomorrow I will think about my suitcases, about those old memories and ghosts that are not letting me to get any further and think about how lucky I am in Barcelona. Because it was not a coincidence all my friends are supporting me. Is that I was a bit blind for thinking there’s the great chance to start over. It is not that you have a certain amount of chances; it is that you do it as often as you need it. Renewals do not need a special permit when they are for good.

And I learned last night how hard is to trust someone and how great time is. Time is cruel, tricky and a miracle. When we wait something to happen it takes years, when it happens then maybe you don’t want it to happen at all and some other moments you have no clue about what is coming on your future.

Isn’t it fun? Isn’t life like a fun park?

Even better.

James, before Pearl Jam kills me I’m packing your stuff. The box is huge but I think you and Susy will make it.

What about Thursday at Denny’s? Can’t wait to get that project. Great idea when we can deal blocks and windows next to a good chocolate brownie. Anyway… who said work and sweet can’t fit together?

Tell me something when you know if Sam is coming or not. Does he know about Love? Just don’t scare him badly ok?

See ya soon!

Marcie

So the playlist was:

The Libertines- Can’t stand me now and Client- Radio

Fast Search: just google it!

The bridge (I part)

It's very simple:

When a scar goes from the skin to the soul.

Some images, some flashes... that night was terrible. It's always terrible when your action is needed and you do nothing.
Play some music! Do something!
...at least.

MTV,MTV.MTV;AREYOUOK?!


The playlist was James: SAy SoMETHing


Youre as tight as a hunters trap
Hidden well, what are you concealing
Poker face, carved in stone
Amongst friends, but all alone
Why do you hide

Say something, say something, anything
Ive shown you everything
Give me a sign
Say something, say something, anything
Your silence is deafening
Pay me in kind

Take a drug to set you free
Strange fruit from a forbidden tree
Youve got to come down soon
More than a drug is what I need
Need a change of scenery
Need a new life

Say something, say something anything
Ive shown you everything
Give me a sign
Say something, say something, anything
Your silence is deafening
Pay me in kind

Say something

Im open wide, open wondering
Have you swallowed everything
Pay me in kind

Blind days, blind notes.

Some weeks ago I’m just trying to turn on something that’s not real. Sometimes reality and solitude are huge and we cannot hide. Is hard the concept of “Loneliness”. It’s a big word and moreover when we don’t find ourselves and look always out for things we should find inside. But theory is always easy. Always easy to say “enjoy your life” “enjoy the things you do” blah, blah, blah. But… some days we are just sad and there’s nothing else to do but to bleed. Then, good times come to our minds and we always remember those sweet things so nostalgically... And pathetically complain about our present or whatever the dark moment is, and hope it was another time.
Then we clean up our wings and remember we are sitting on the damn floor because we fell and all things around us have a “special broken” touch… What a child!
So put out dust from your eyes. You wake up and find out that you made it. It was only too much drama on your work, on your normal duties…

How novels are made this days? Where are the good ones, the bad ones, the interesting ones, the fool ones? Where is Mr. Prince charming? Where is Ms. Pink Bunny?
Then let the wind blow your imagination. You are not anymore stoned by your own sympathetic sadness.
Is weekend, there’s a lot of music and a beautiful way to watch the world.

So it was not like everything was useless, it was only you, having a bad day and thank God there’s still music, people, mountains and good fortune.

I think I will erase a couple of words here… But it’s so hard to leave the
picture with the colours we'd chosen.

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Indiana May 1963

There was that man talking to me at the bar. Some physics and some atoms. He reminded me old Robert, so amazed about physics.
He was asking strange and tough questions. He asked me about travelling through the time, so unreal, about the time line. He said he wished he was again living some personal stories in the past. He was feeling so lucky just thinking about such a magic coin.
But I told him we shouldn’t move back. Our reality is not there and even it was possible, that couldn’t be real because our role is coming from present and belongs to the present. It could be a hurtful fake.
He looked sad at me and nodded. So sad he couldn’t go back, to his old love…

So I kept the last tear for you dear little darling. Now we are moving to the south and they told me they need a deadline for the project. I think they didn’t know it was January (…)

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