Full of corrections

Pre-note:

So according to the next letter I want to be coherent and start now. So its probably me who will restart this thing called “computer”. Suddenly I’ve got tired of many things that, I think beside a change of look (no, no haircuts, this time I like my style ha-ha!) I need something new and this is erase everything in here and you know, that stuff. When you are tired of so many delays and old stuff in this, actually very personal, tool. Let me please you with this last letter, before I “start over again”. Enjoy!

I’m not exclusive writing about heart. Love is in some way, an expression of so many things, of people happening at the same time… I think it is also as the thousand things we live everyday. A friend of mine wrote “happy about Singletary” and that is a question to me, what does “single-tary” mean? (besides Mike Singletary is the head coach of the SFCO 49ers…)

I have already entered the club of Lucy, which means we want to love in the modern times when there’s no space for love. There’s space for sex, for one night stands, for adventure, for affairs... but certainly love is in holidays. It’s so hard lately to stick to someone; we live the plastic days ( again?) How often this happens? The radio plays songs with typical sentences like “don’t let me down” “why don’t we try” blah, blah, blah, and it’s true. I think long time ago I’m not listening songs that say: “darling I’m so happy with you” or “Sussie you’re gorgeous…” What time are we living exactly? The hedonism and selfish party has just got on its way for today or what? I’m tired of being nice about this theme. I’m tired of the “I will start tomorrow” whatever it is, whatever is a diet or a good intention… I’m going to open the door to the I love today, today we start, today we change, today is better than tomorrow... I said once that things are not waiting until the moment we want to attend… Well, it is like this. I also don’t want to wait the world moves my way, I want to move with the world and keep into the heart bit here.

Too much wasted time in here, too much internet, too much television, too much friendly drinks…

What do we really want to do today?

Dear, I don’t know why I remember you in your birthday… it shouldn’t be today nor Christmas.

We wanted to be understood as lovely people… but we aren’t. Not you, not me.

So I can tell you all my affections, all my hate, all your arrogance and all my faith in the no-working class of heart.

I have a bright day, full of joy and full of papers and memoirs that wont’ let me forget one day I loved you, one day you let me down and your arrogance made cloudy your eyes to see further. I wish it was different but I cannot deny I’m happy about getting through this and realize; “it” wasn’t meant to be, and sometimes things take longer than we expect, but finally pieces end on its place.

Please don’t forget to send me back the letter I lend to you (your last birthday) because that’s very important for me, as I told you before. No, I won’t forgive not getting it back again. Actually, I also don’t mind where I’m supposed to get it.

Good night and good luck!

S

- Jesus! Mars!

- Yes mom!

- C’mon! We have to pick up grandma at the bus station.

- Ok! Let me wear my shoes!

God Save The Queen productions gave us this nice entry:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_bLnhcNQgg&feature=related

The lyrics are just fun… Google ‘em!

Redemption

To be saved. To be saved by ourselves. To be saved by the world, by the luck, by the others… Why we always want to be saved? “Safe?” Like if life was like this… I doubt it. I really start to doubt it. How much I will get if I save myself from the world? Would I like to be saved by the world? There’s nothing else I wanted much as living and jumping into the sea. I know sometimes I have to pay a lot and sometimes I’m a sinner. The one who thinks nothing is that expensive… but when it’s time to pay, then I would like to run away. Oh… no, I bleed and stay. No matter how wet I get under the arms of rain. There’s nowhere else I wanted to be than paying my debts, than living at this place. No matter it feels sometimes like a jail because of the last conditions I accepted. I refused to finish safe; I refused to be responsible and quiet. I know now is time of paying but I’m proud I’m still here to pay. I’m not running away. Not from the cold, not from the hurt, not from rejection, not from pain. If someone was waiting to put their foot over my neck I’m here, restless to fight. To succeed, over all this floating things. Over this current “dark hole”. There I want to be, at the other side of the river. And if the story was true, this will never stop. As my love to all, to you… to Love.
I’m sometimes tired; sometimes writing is like continued waves… Sometimes I might look like walking the same way, but believe me, it’s a bit different. Through the cat walk, through the darkest tunnel you will see me. The poorest, the most dramatic... Me. But you will find me at the end of this book that I’m certainly not trying to finish. I’m ready. Who don’t? I want to remove dust, I want to believe and I believe. God put a smile upon your face… and mine.

It’s not so hard to tell lies but mom I cannot hide this to you. Finally we found where Love is, but we first have to work for these guys. The bar is theirs! (That’s why we easy knew about him). They told us they have to complete a “special business” with the Italians. Don’t worry, it’s me who’s going to “serve the drinks” But John…

And the play list comes from The Magic Hat Productions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1dR90EFzkM

Lyrics included we swear!

Waves, they might go… they might come. (Same dream side: B)

Again I woke up in Mexico of my dreams about Mexico. This was not holidays at all, this was getting up in the reality, getting up sad, getting up mad, getting up angry, getting up disappointed, getting in love with new things. Always home will mean the beginning and the end of ourselves. Like a circle. The rest of the world, the people, the countries, the environment… Everything then will complete the rest of who we are.

I was challenged and that made me disappointed. It is not that I don’t like challenges, it was the circumstances. But it is like this. Life is like a game (Love is a game). We bet and sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I even can say I’ve got enough trying. Haven’t you ever tried something and you know it’s not good idea but you push and push until you get a hit back onto your face? I think it was as rude as someway deserved by me. But just to keep in mind that I am who I am, and the others are … different.

We cannot expect Alice in Wonderland will get up in resurrection once again. Alice times were the happiest and the craziest ones before. Today, they can tear you, and happily think and arrange about easily making you bleed.

The worst part comes when you lose your pride. And I asked myself what’s left then?

Then we should ask ourselves if one single moment will fulfil the rest of the empty spaces, or if there’s truly a worthy “other side of the river”. Sometimes is good to jump and find ourselves and find new things. Sometimes, when our heart tells us not to do it… we really should listen to it and… not-to-do-it-.

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I smile when I’m angry.
I cheat and I lie.
I do what I have to do
To get by.
But I know what is wrong,
And I know what is right.

This is the end… My only friend. Side: A

I’m not calling death; I’m calling all those memories to go back into the Pandora’s box. I’m tired of summers in this place. They can be full of happiness and full of emptiness. It’s not love’s fault, it’s just me getting sick.

I was sure this would be the same visit, some new good memories; I’ve got them all, or at least all that I wanted. It’s incredible how we can also push ourselves into different “circumstances” and then paying for the consequences… indeed. It’s very popular here in Mexico to say, that in sins goes (included) the penitence. I hate my beloved old lover words “time is not by our side”. But when was it? Or when IS it? I’m not proving my braveness at any poor billiards club. I will not surrender to the box of their prejudices. I think and I knew getting back home was meaning I could fly over new stories and feelings. It is here and it is as intense as sun the next morning. I’m not confused anymore, I know I can make time by my side because time is cruel; time does not forgive but might forget. Time is like the ocean; waves can cover you or lift you up. I will prepare soon my suitcases. My favourite souvenirs? All those were about time. Time for sleep, time for living, time for talking, time for thinking. Time…. Always time. As I got enough Time to get… Time. Two anti-feelings covered by non profitable beverages. They were almost killing me but reminding me as I will ever drink them again, because certainly I was suffering anxiety at the same Time I had to forget.

Nothing is banal, we make successes banal. And I’m getting back, flying and preparing the master plan. The one who told me was waiting for me and I couldn’t jump in before because of Time. Thank God we have time… to go back and jump together into that funny green pool.

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Mom, uncle John arrived yesterday. We were looking for some information at the bar and we guess where Love could be. It won’t be that easy. This guys can kill you if you just move a finger. Maybe we won’t need money… but luck. Please don’t panic and don’t forget to take the pills. Sony says you should visit her, she was the whole week without news from you. She’s got some cookies, I guess is time to be nice and call back don’t you?

I will call you on Tuesday.

Kisses,

Mars

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And the play list for this time is called "Let us cut our veins" with:

Always on your side
by Sheryl Crow

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

And by our Just Google it friends, a good old song. Just to remember old times: “Time is on my side” from The Rolling Stones. Enjoy get a sushi!