Whisky River

Almost two weeks later the pain relief was represented by a constant river. This river called life was helping me to see clear that I know nothing and I need to sleep to get a better recover from all those nights. Once upon a time in Vienna happened some verses, some old words that I hide now into my Pandora’s Box.

I

One wild side of the river, blood is flushed away. Tears apart, no break, no wait, pain, earless, lost mind.

The dark side of the moon was not a joke. That place hurts, bleeds and makes you feel like hell.

Then you try pills, you forget meals, you skip them, you cry, dry your tears, talk again, talking plastic, talking deeply. Wondering being an alcoholic would relief better the pain. Lose yourself into the reality…

Why people get mad at this place… why? Solitude, Isolation.

Why people want to die, to live, to kiss, to have sex?

We are humans, not robots. We act by anarchy, heart is fulfilled by anarchy and we are the peasants of our hearts.

The worst day was when I saw you leaving and I was born new.

Sad but true and it is in all good.

You.

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Mom-Trouble-Love-kidnapped-was-gambler-no-police-please

-call-John-urgent-M.

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Play list(goes “specially” to those who doesn’t like country): Whisky River by Willie Nelson

Into Red

Once more. Out of the road, erasing memories, repeating them, flash-forwards… Everything at the same time. When you lose your next stop because of thinking too much, thinking of feelings… then everything’s lost my friend. And I say this to me, as I walk as fast as I can. To reach home, to hide myself from the clouds, from the clouds up in the sky and from those even worse, clouds in heart.

If you think a movie like “Lost in Translation” is sad, this is just the starter. When you are absolutely happy or unhappy, when you find yourself absolutely normal, everything is on it’s place, there will be something that calls you, moves you, throws you out away and lets you down into the worst time. The time when you have to repeat pictures without any effect, the places that were part of your ideal set, suddenly turn into sharp thorns, a bit you move in there, a lot it will hurt.

When were we born? When was the day we were trusting love would be back again in life? And how to call those whispers of sudden happiness, fleeting brightly skies even when it’s cloudy? I was reconnecting to myself, I think I did. I think I’ve changed. For good ghosts were in holidays, even better… disappeared!

So until I find myself and reset my mental location at this beautiful place, I will play something nice to cut my veins. What else can we do? Poor girl, standing in front of the bakery. Where the biggest chocolate cake is laying just in front of her…

Bad luck, it’s already closed.

Chicago, 1963

Mom,

I’m sorry about this, but Love was found in here. I think he’s got the time when he pretends being funny. I’m worried because this city is turning a little bit wild at night.

I will be back in a couple of days. Please tell Uncle Robert to wait for the holy pie because Love’s just started his tricky game again. And please take care of Benji, maybe he needs something like… ham? Just a bit, you will see.

Hugs for everyone!

Marcie

And the playlist was All Dianne Reeves!

Something is happening to me

My life actually is just like the same song I’m listening now “Something is happening to me”. Because to those who didn’t know it is that I moved to Vienna for a while, ok, that sounds pretty ambitious. It’s just a month of “holidays” with a German course included. And I’m very happy because Vienna is one of my favourite places on the earth. Especially because my story in Europe started here.

I would like also to say, that as usual surprises took me … yes, by surprise. And some good new things happened. People I expected to be not nice at the course are even nicer, and those who I thought forgot me in time, did their best polite appearance. So I appreciate how life is letting me know things are not as I used to think. Mostly because I can’t consider myself with super powers to guess what is going on all around and yes, sad but true, or good and true, depends, I tend to dream a lot. This “gift” with time is tending to be under control because, we all cannot go through life dreaming without acting. But in the other hand, I do think we need some dreams to get further and put some good energy there.

So the thing is that I’m not only lonely I’m very lonely because even people in the flat aren’t here. But there is something, I feel great like this. I’m very happy I came to watch myself practicing or pretending other “roles”. That’s what I wanted to say, that we all play some roles at home, but when you move this way it’s great because people will believe whatever you create from yourself. But don’t misunderstand; I don’t like to take advantage from the others. I’m just talking about playing with our roles.

Since now I’m also looking for my inspiration because I’m starting to believe it is in vacation too.

Other thing is that my favourite human place is the train, metro, this way of transportation. And it is very interesting compared to Barcelona that people here is so quiet. Actually the country is so quiet. And other people tend to mark people of Eastern Europe (or Western Europe?) as cold, but they are beside polite very friendly. Ok maybe not at the airport. I might warn you that if you ever come, people will fight to get the best place to get their suitcases- as ever-. Besides food is good, weather is good and this is also turning into a good cheap description of a cheap trip guide. So let’s see what’s coming next here.

And the playlist has two songs (complete both!):

Panic At the Disco

The Green Gentleman

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd.
Little deaths in musical beds.
So it seems I’m someone I’ve never met.

You will only hear these elegant crimes,
Fall on your ears from criminal dimes.
They spill unfound from a pretty mouth.

Everybody gets there and everybody gets their, and everybody gets their way.
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her,
Now I’m the only one to blame.

Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
I feel the same, I’m on my way, and I say.
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.

I want to go where everyone goes,
I want to know what everyone knows,
I want to go where everyone feels the same.

I never said I’d leave the city,
I never said I’d leave this town.
A falling out we won’t tiptoe about.

Everybody gets there and everybody gets their, and everybody gets their way.
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her,
Now I’m the only one to blame.

Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say.
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
I feel the same, and I say.
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.
(Well things have changed for me, come on everybody let's dance and sing)
I feel the same, and I say
(I'm singing it all night long, come on everybody and join along, I'm singing)
Things have changed for me, and that's okay
(Well things have changed for me, come on everyone let's dance and sing)
I feel the same, and I say
(I'm singing it all night long, come on everybody let's sing along)
Things have changed for me, and that's okay,
I'm on my way, and I say.

Things have changed for me.

R.E.M.

Hollow Man

I've been lost inside my head
Echoes fall on me
I took the priceless night for complicated mess
Persuading things I didn't mean and don't believe

Believe in me
Believe in nothing
Corner me
And make me something
I've become the hollow man, I
I've become the hollow man I see

Oh, I see this echoing
You have placed your trust in me
I went upside down
I emptied up the room
Thirty seconds left
I can't believe you held your ground

Believe in me
Believe in nothing

Corner me
And make me something
I've become the hollow man, I
I've become the hollow man I see

I'm overwhelmed
I'm on repeat
I'm emptied out
I'm incomplete
You trusted me
I want to show you
I don't want to be the hollow man

Believe in me
Believe in nothing
Corner me
And make me something
I've become the hollow man, I
I've become the hollow man I see
I see

Pensacola, few days later…

Hey Mars, would you mind to call home? We are worried Love is lost because he is not picking up the phone for days. We thought he was with you or said so.

In the local news just “if you didn’t know”, your sister is taller and Benji is barking the whole night. Uncle Robbie is also asking if you could bring some pumpkin pie, he’s sad since you left and has no clue (as us der!).

Please Take care and don’t drive late at night.

Loves you,

Mom

I've got the weapon...

July, 29th 2008

It’s been crazy when you need something or somewhere to write and you find yourself falling. Inspiration is just great.

So what was this about? Well, we need trashy things to enjoy life. For example, I found out that since Ipod is on the market, and even I love music, there was (and still) no way to convince me madly to get it. I’ve been building my ears through maybe 4 different mp3 during last 2 years and a half… But the point is that I also thought O.K. this year, New York, motherland of great things (a-ha) and home of very many famous musicians. Good place for sponsoring motivation to get that bug. Well… it didn’t happen. Then I left the idea for a while.

Today I thought about the main reason and maybe it is that I don’t need it. Just like that. I’m not weird or cool or anything. It’s just that music is by my side as all those people who have been in my life reminding me how much I love them.

Yesterday a friend was asking me he didn’t know I used to love music. Well, I thought, it’s a critical status when a friend tells you this. And then, there are two answers, one, maybe it’s not truth I love music and two, maybe we are not such good friends as I thought… Both reasons are particularly bothering and concerning me.

So this will be added to the well of wishes. And one more coin to guess what’s going on with who I am or what I like.

Amelia found the mirror broken into pices. Well… it couldn’t be better. Amelia’s heart was already broken so there were no bloody seven years in the middle.