To My dear friend...

Oh Possibilities...

That’s one of my favourite lyrics. Lately I was in certain way “warned” ‘bout my missing… ok that’s too dramatic but I was “temporary” gone. To me, sometimes takes days or even months to think about something worth to write. But sometimes, even it seems to me so banal, I think about a lot of things that personally concern me but maybe not at all to the others. Then I think I should be a little bit more selfish ‘cause this letters and thoughts (talking about the main purpose), are for me, to make me understand the world around me and myself. I think is so hard to know ourselves. Today a guy said he thought he knew himself really good, but it was not true, he was so far to get into the first light of the concept “knowing himself”. Then I thought oh boy… here comes the sad but real truth. I laugh about me when I was a teenager and thought everything was “under control” and sooorry, life makes you sure you are absolutely wrong when time goes by. Then I think those “fairy tales” parents use to tell you, like: “you think you know everything yeah?!!””” are just… “tales” but… girl, maybe you should take them serious. Parents are like the international Harry Potter’s parents, like magicians and witches around us or like little angels. They know everything and it is veeeery very painful when they got to know you better than you usually do.

So I don’t know, time in Barcelona (this is my “current” address), is getting noisy. All those things I was in love with, now, are like in a very thin rope. It is not I’m sad about this, well yes, maybe a little. But very many around me are getting into the point that this is a city where you can have it all and still feel so empty. I know this can happen everywhere, but I’m talking about people. This is like a very big airport, so people can make some nice flight-connections to everywhere. In the meantime, when they wait to take next flight, they follow their inner instincts, which means socialize. So get some friends, some love affairs… some adventures and so on. So-the point here is that no one (or not at all those you really like) stays. Soooo-your inner feeling, the one that claims you to “settle down” is it correct written??? scares, but then you ask yourself where do you go and what you expect to be at the place you want to be for… “the rest of your life?” The answer to this columnist came, and this is, wherever I feel at home. I realized this is a beautiful step in my life but… fortunately or unfortunately not home. So I’m waiting for my next flight. We don’t know if I’ll be required at hometown, which means go back to a “certain” (vvvery known) way of life or… to try a new kind of life. Today also one of my very best friends accepted this is not her place or not where she wants to fulfil her life or where she cannot fulfil her life so… she goes back home.

And I think, how many of us really know where’s home? Wherever your heart is? Your mind? It is to me in the air, but until I get into the biggest answer I want to try a good search. Someone told me in my heart I know I don’t belong here… and I don’t feel like a creep but yes… perhaps I don’t belong here.

I still sing inside and think even I have to jump again into a very big waterfall, I’m happy and think “Hey baby let’s go to Vegas”. Life sometimes is too serious, sometimes not so serious, sometimes seems to me as a joke or sometimes I have really to cry. But in a shortcut let’s put it like take that train, that ship, that plane… opportunities and possibilities make life great and gorgeous. I’m in love with life, it is too dramatic but too sweet to skip daily life, routine! If you have to jump, be sure it is your time and be sure not to look down, always up, because to me it is not possible to go back, but here comes the great thing of life: you can always change the direction ;)

Where is time going?

Where is time going?

I think this will be a personal question for all my life. Is routine “the great eater” phenomenon? And even I woke up every day and look over the street, almost "the same" but it is true, every day very many different things happen in our life, it is just the tricky game we belong.

Then we think if we chose water instead that carrot juice... will it make it different at all? It’s strange, like not the same... but the same.

I think I'm worried. I think I would love to be a very professional journalist, but until I can reach just the view of that dreamed mountain, I want to say my concerns.

It concerns me how things are going around the world. I started saying this as a joke, like why every time I go back home, there's a terrorist attack against the UK. But then I decided to leave the t.v. on that news channel and the crisis started in my heart, then in my brain. Today for example I was trying to sleep at the train and when I was in that dark side, when you want to start really sleeping, something cried, called me, and it was like if a hand pressed my heart with the "what if a bomb explodes now" feeling. I thought thank to the terrorists too, thanks to all those guys who created such a horrible horror movies to make me asleep for almost a week and suffer when I was a , and thank you to those who put pain or fear in our minds. What if we never saw those news, then I ask myself what if I was never watching those stupid alien movies that scare me that strange today? We learn to fear but we also can chose to fear in some way I guess. An article proposed to make a kind of course where you could learn how to lose fear to fly. Great I thought, but of course, small letters... 400€ for a poor student's pocket is too much. Then I will try again to confuse myself with the clouds or the tasty meals the British Airways serve. Even I hate the way they control people since last terrorist attacks, they are very kind. Even they won't pay me for saying something good about them like this.

But I don't want to focus in crap information. This is not happy Sunday information. I'm really worried about the people involved in wars. Then if we read history who really wins? There’s always dead people, kidnapped people, people suffering losing the beloved ones, losing parts of their body or leaving scared for Jesus who knows how long. This is probably utopia but, what is in their mind when "they" say, “when we are able to suffer, then we’ll be free”. Is Bin Laden still alive? I only know there are some people we see everyday through that box and think poor of them but what do we really do? I try to pray but sometimes I feel like an ant. I know they have their reasons but I think as all we do is thinking... this is not correct and who will stop us, who will make us react and who will tell them the truth is deeper than the love they pray for their God because I believe there is the same God for all of us no matter our very free and independent beliefs. It doesn’t match to me God wish us to suffer, if we promote his wisdom is great, his heart is great and we all are his children. No one has this truth, to me is in everyone’s heart and -it is easier to hate and attack others before accepting we cannot find God inside ourselves-. God’s, energy of life or spirit of life. Whatever that connects you to life because for me there's not ONE truth. But for sure one race is involved, we HUMANS

Sweet Sunshower

A good friend of mine said this space was turning a bit sad and melancholic. Well ladies and gentlemen, we're going to change it. Let's look for the side we forgot, for the sun and the fresh flowers of the spring! The happy side of all those things that make us think. One thing is trying to think deep but not tending to sadness or to forget how sweet life can be.
It was also this weekend a new shine came into my window, and thought sometimes our faith in human being is a bit smashed by daily news (and life). We could be heroes! The Wallflowers used to say.
How to save ourselves? In love I think it is no possible to save us otherwise there can't be love. Good lovers never save themselves to set their bodies and souls to the fire. It can be risky to know we have to pay. For every single thing we have to pay in certain way. And it is time to be happy to do that, then we can be sure we really want things around us.
This month I dedicate it to my friend, she opened my eyes and let me tell you something, it is always time to fight for living. It is always good to fight and sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves 'cause none than us knows us better. I hope I explain myself. Sometimes I read and I cannot understand it so good and after few days or moments then I do.
And I also dedicate this fight to my life and to the spirit. If I was not saying anything before, yes, I do believe in a certain health of spirit but I cannot go deeper in this because is fresh idea.
So I invite you all to live the B good side of life. Hey! Nicer music is at the B-sides. Well I want to make a mix of A and B because it makes me happy there's always too many of us living in one. That's also other new idea I learned. We can behave as many different of us because of course it depend on the others mirrors how we reflect. To close I would say I will be discovering my new B side, my new loved one:

Peace and Love

Virginia's Tragedy

Everytime we talk about the States drives me into a special human condition. It's like talking about of a strange place where beauty and horror take place at the same time. Yesterday the society again was screaming there's something wrong. I do agree it's very dangerous the easy way you can get a weapon or get a permission to keep "couple" of them. If we make a simple addition like paranoia and insecurity then we can find as a result, what their society is living. But on the other hand, I wonder know what are they going to do. Are South Coreans the next victim of endless hunger of some american speculations? I think we should pay attention to this events cause I don't think this has to be with government or insecurity (even mostly) at all. I think we are living in a way we are getting sick of ourselves (the great factory of modern times) and lonelyness, are the most difficult part of accepting this introduction into a black hole where we are walking... pathetically pretending we're (color) blind.

Where are our wishes going?

Have you ever been in love? Perhaps this is a normal and obvious question as the answer. But what happen when we fall in love and after the relationship is over, our mind doesn’t get it and it is like if the course of our brain is just spinning and spinning ‘round the same unusual and pathetic thing?
Why we people do constant keep beloved failed things in heart? Like if they’re never going to die. I don’t like this kind of nature, when we do our special rituals to keep things in a “certain” place where certainly we are even not sure it those things are there or just dry as autumn leaves, falling and falling with our faithful whispering.
I don’t think it’s not that I can’t survive or I’m afraid to say it was the best I could ever have, or lived or… heard, or taste or smell or hug or kiss or… What if we keep valuable things (but spontaneous) in a woodbox? If we do not let them free, the only thing we can get I guess is nice. But, hard thoughts concerning a theme, which more than a renewal, turns into an old and broken being.
Why we can defeat wondering we can manage it and we can “survive”. Was Gloria Gaynor (was it?) so sure about her song? I think I will but the small letters in the contract were “short periods of time do not count in here”.
Then, I guess I might push and look further.
How’s the sky tonight? I guess it’s been long time since I saw a star up there. I think it was a moon eclipse in my birthday… Is it a promise of the fenix? Survive and come back from the ashes? I wish we can put away all bad dusty thoughts, chained thoughts, and become this into a very brand new start. I think my new year had two dates, the normal one (“normal counting on with Chinese and Christian and so on calendars”) and my birthday. I used to think birthdays are too corny but it’s not exactly presents what we see, a box of chocolates, necklaces, blouses… It is just one and “simple” thing, the day we started breathing. This answers me something I had in mind last weeks. Now I understand when was the day I was really alive and this day, was the day I enjoyed for first time the miracle of life.