Compilations

It’s always a pleasure when friends ask me how went holidays at hometown. Normally you learn a lot and that’s ok. It’s just I’m tired to remember all those “adventures”
When was the last time I wrote this column??? I’m afraid this will start to follow the same way as my “constant” response to one of my very best friends.
So how was Xmas? We humans are supposed to celebrate God’s birth but the truth is totally the opposite or… different. We all drive ourselves crazy to get all that we can afford with the extra-payment (not my case) of work. Loads of presents just hanging in our minds just waiting to be immediately bought.
Besides my non-normal brutal shopping, I found a couple of things I would like to think about. First of all, I figured one of my pleasures is to read those “very interesting” magazines the airlines bring you to make you feel better and that everything's going to be fine with your flight (...). They sometimes give you good advices about those places you don’t even have half a coin to get them, but you would love to of course. Even the last time I realized I’m starting to divide those companies who have good writers and those who don’t…
So what can you give? I mean what can WE give to the world as an exchange of knowledge? Or, just a bit of wisdom?
The same airline made me know this “ASAP”(this word makes me sick!). Then it was me at the airport with empty hands. As it happens to many customs, my luggage was lost. Beside this, when I got it back, some pieces were missing as my anger was growing against that b****** who stole ‘em. Then I thought girl you –better- gotta be smarter and think about good things. Like first of all you’re lucky, there was no violent situation so I’m very grateful for that. And my summer words were gone too. In summer my suitcase (the same!) was lost for ten days! Even then the weather was warmer and I didn’t care much… and I started to think changing religion or become into Buddhism. That would just bring me to redemption! Never so far to be right…
Then I was frustrated because I realized I’m kind “infected” by all that trash our actual society pushes, shoot, record… whatever into your brain: capitalism. “Im nothing without –my little things-“ and that ladies and gentlemen, specially hurt when you think you’re living almost as a good hippie.
So beside laughing about myself and making some dark jokes about human kind, or me, I decided to make “rewind” and special movement that let me change the view.
I know I’m (very wrong to be) the first who’s always complaining about my compatriots. We always looking or trying to set ourselves into the top-ten list of… everything! As much as you have or achieve, the most you get and the faster become into a successful (idiot) person. This is not even like winners or losers; the fact is we’re so distracted in those stupid things that we forget about ourselves instantly. You just go out and take a look around. Take a look at your colleagues, friends and family…
I’m not saying I’ve already learnt. No. I think to get to that point or “human sensibility” will be harder but at least I will try to focus not to put much more interest into all those superficial things. I’m also not telling you to go out and sell all your belongings, of course not. What I propose is just to think about our valuable and definitely non-valuable “belongings” (actually, what does really –belong- to us?).

Another very important thing I didn’t tell before is moreover lecture; music is one of my passions. Whenever I’m happy, sad, melancholic, tired… There’s always something to listen and compare. To be able to feel metaphors between music and life is just great. On my last trip to Mexico, one day I was just getting into the car when I started the radio. My mother turned her face and said “ I can’t believe this, you and your brother are just the same… you-just-can’t-live-without-M U S I C ! ” Then I thought wow! I mean, I know I love music but sometimes we also forget to appreciate things we know we are supposed to like the most.
Then I made a connection between all those memoirs of this Xmas 2007 and thought life to me is like music. Sometimes you like the song, sometimes you want to repeat it thousand times because you love it, some others you just skip it or sometimes it takes you years to understand certain phrases in it…
I’m amazed how my senses wake up with it and shine.
So I think people and situations in my life are different compilations. Some only “singles”, one hit wonders, the best of… It’s just funny. But interesting.
To finish with the “brainstorm”, if I could give a song’s title to my last holidays, it definitely would be “Lección de vuelo” trying the translation in English, it would be something like “A lesson to fly”. It is based in a Mexican singer who as I understand, he suffered a break with his partner and mother of his child. For me was something like that, I had to get up from things I was never expecting to happen and I also didn’t expect to be sad for.

To clean your knees and to count from one to ten to finally start flying again costs(… a lot). Good we can learn and hopefully we really did.

To My dear friend...

Oh Possibilities...

That’s one of my favourite lyrics. Lately I was in certain way “warned” ‘bout my missing… ok that’s too dramatic but I was “temporary” gone. To me, sometimes takes days or even months to think about something worth to write. But sometimes, even it seems to me so banal, I think about a lot of things that personally concern me but maybe not at all to the others. Then I think I should be a little bit more selfish ‘cause this letters and thoughts (talking about the main purpose), are for me, to make me understand the world around me and myself. I think is so hard to know ourselves. Today a guy said he thought he knew himself really good, but it was not true, he was so far to get into the first light of the concept “knowing himself”. Then I thought oh boy… here comes the sad but real truth. I laugh about me when I was a teenager and thought everything was “under control” and sooorry, life makes you sure you are absolutely wrong when time goes by. Then I think those “fairy tales” parents use to tell you, like: “you think you know everything yeah?!!””” are just… “tales” but… girl, maybe you should take them serious. Parents are like the international Harry Potter’s parents, like magicians and witches around us or like little angels. They know everything and it is veeeery very painful when they got to know you better than you usually do.

So I don’t know, time in Barcelona (this is my “current” address), is getting noisy. All those things I was in love with, now, are like in a very thin rope. It is not I’m sad about this, well yes, maybe a little. But very many around me are getting into the point that this is a city where you can have it all and still feel so empty. I know this can happen everywhere, but I’m talking about people. This is like a very big airport, so people can make some nice flight-connections to everywhere. In the meantime, when they wait to take next flight, they follow their inner instincts, which means socialize. So get some friends, some love affairs… some adventures and so on. So-the point here is that no one (or not at all those you really like) stays. Soooo-your inner feeling, the one that claims you to “settle down” is it correct written??? scares, but then you ask yourself where do you go and what you expect to be at the place you want to be for… “the rest of your life?” The answer to this columnist came, and this is, wherever I feel at home. I realized this is a beautiful step in my life but… fortunately or unfortunately not home. So I’m waiting for my next flight. We don’t know if I’ll be required at hometown, which means go back to a “certain” (vvvery known) way of life or… to try a new kind of life. Today also one of my very best friends accepted this is not her place or not where she wants to fulfil her life or where she cannot fulfil her life so… she goes back home.

And I think, how many of us really know where’s home? Wherever your heart is? Your mind? It is to me in the air, but until I get into the biggest answer I want to try a good search. Someone told me in my heart I know I don’t belong here… and I don’t feel like a creep but yes… perhaps I don’t belong here.

I still sing inside and think even I have to jump again into a very big waterfall, I’m happy and think “Hey baby let’s go to Vegas”. Life sometimes is too serious, sometimes not so serious, sometimes seems to me as a joke or sometimes I have really to cry. But in a shortcut let’s put it like take that train, that ship, that plane… opportunities and possibilities make life great and gorgeous. I’m in love with life, it is too dramatic but too sweet to skip daily life, routine! If you have to jump, be sure it is your time and be sure not to look down, always up, because to me it is not possible to go back, but here comes the great thing of life: you can always change the direction ;)

Where is time going?

Where is time going?

I think this will be a personal question for all my life. Is routine “the great eater” phenomenon? And even I woke up every day and look over the street, almost "the same" but it is true, every day very many different things happen in our life, it is just the tricky game we belong.

Then we think if we chose water instead that carrot juice... will it make it different at all? It’s strange, like not the same... but the same.

I think I'm worried. I think I would love to be a very professional journalist, but until I can reach just the view of that dreamed mountain, I want to say my concerns.

It concerns me how things are going around the world. I started saying this as a joke, like why every time I go back home, there's a terrorist attack against the UK. But then I decided to leave the t.v. on that news channel and the crisis started in my heart, then in my brain. Today for example I was trying to sleep at the train and when I was in that dark side, when you want to start really sleeping, something cried, called me, and it was like if a hand pressed my heart with the "what if a bomb explodes now" feeling. I thought thank to the terrorists too, thanks to all those guys who created such a horrible horror movies to make me asleep for almost a week and suffer when I was a , and thank you to those who put pain or fear in our minds. What if we never saw those news, then I ask myself what if I was never watching those stupid alien movies that scare me that strange today? We learn to fear but we also can chose to fear in some way I guess. An article proposed to make a kind of course where you could learn how to lose fear to fly. Great I thought, but of course, small letters... 400€ for a poor student's pocket is too much. Then I will try again to confuse myself with the clouds or the tasty meals the British Airways serve. Even I hate the way they control people since last terrorist attacks, they are very kind. Even they won't pay me for saying something good about them like this.

But I don't want to focus in crap information. This is not happy Sunday information. I'm really worried about the people involved in wars. Then if we read history who really wins? There’s always dead people, kidnapped people, people suffering losing the beloved ones, losing parts of their body or leaving scared for Jesus who knows how long. This is probably utopia but, what is in their mind when "they" say, “when we are able to suffer, then we’ll be free”. Is Bin Laden still alive? I only know there are some people we see everyday through that box and think poor of them but what do we really do? I try to pray but sometimes I feel like an ant. I know they have their reasons but I think as all we do is thinking... this is not correct and who will stop us, who will make us react and who will tell them the truth is deeper than the love they pray for their God because I believe there is the same God for all of us no matter our very free and independent beliefs. It doesn’t match to me God wish us to suffer, if we promote his wisdom is great, his heart is great and we all are his children. No one has this truth, to me is in everyone’s heart and -it is easier to hate and attack others before accepting we cannot find God inside ourselves-. God’s, energy of life or spirit of life. Whatever that connects you to life because for me there's not ONE truth. But for sure one race is involved, we HUMANS

Sweet Sunshower

A good friend of mine said this space was turning a bit sad and melancholic. Well ladies and gentlemen, we're going to change it. Let's look for the side we forgot, for the sun and the fresh flowers of the spring! The happy side of all those things that make us think. One thing is trying to think deep but not tending to sadness or to forget how sweet life can be.
It was also this weekend a new shine came into my window, and thought sometimes our faith in human being is a bit smashed by daily news (and life). We could be heroes! The Wallflowers used to say.
How to save ourselves? In love I think it is no possible to save us otherwise there can't be love. Good lovers never save themselves to set their bodies and souls to the fire. It can be risky to know we have to pay. For every single thing we have to pay in certain way. And it is time to be happy to do that, then we can be sure we really want things around us.
This month I dedicate it to my friend, she opened my eyes and let me tell you something, it is always time to fight for living. It is always good to fight and sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves 'cause none than us knows us better. I hope I explain myself. Sometimes I read and I cannot understand it so good and after few days or moments then I do.
And I also dedicate this fight to my life and to the spirit. If I was not saying anything before, yes, I do believe in a certain health of spirit but I cannot go deeper in this because is fresh idea.
So I invite you all to live the B good side of life. Hey! Nicer music is at the B-sides. Well I want to make a mix of A and B because it makes me happy there's always too many of us living in one. That's also other new idea I learned. We can behave as many different of us because of course it depend on the others mirrors how we reflect. To close I would say I will be discovering my new B side, my new loved one:

Peace and Love

Virginia's Tragedy

Everytime we talk about the States drives me into a special human condition. It's like talking about of a strange place where beauty and horror take place at the same time. Yesterday the society again was screaming there's something wrong. I do agree it's very dangerous the easy way you can get a weapon or get a permission to keep "couple" of them. If we make a simple addition like paranoia and insecurity then we can find as a result, what their society is living. But on the other hand, I wonder know what are they going to do. Are South Coreans the next victim of endless hunger of some american speculations? I think we should pay attention to this events cause I don't think this has to be with government or insecurity (even mostly) at all. I think we are living in a way we are getting sick of ourselves (the great factory of modern times) and lonelyness, are the most difficult part of accepting this introduction into a black hole where we are walking... pathetically pretending we're (color) blind.

Where are our wishes going?

Have you ever been in love? Perhaps this is a normal and obvious question as the answer. But what happen when we fall in love and after the relationship is over, our mind doesn’t get it and it is like if the course of our brain is just spinning and spinning ‘round the same unusual and pathetic thing?
Why we people do constant keep beloved failed things in heart? Like if they’re never going to die. I don’t like this kind of nature, when we do our special rituals to keep things in a “certain” place where certainly we are even not sure it those things are there or just dry as autumn leaves, falling and falling with our faithful whispering.
I don’t think it’s not that I can’t survive or I’m afraid to say it was the best I could ever have, or lived or… heard, or taste or smell or hug or kiss or… What if we keep valuable things (but spontaneous) in a woodbox? If we do not let them free, the only thing we can get I guess is nice. But, hard thoughts concerning a theme, which more than a renewal, turns into an old and broken being.
Why we can defeat wondering we can manage it and we can “survive”. Was Gloria Gaynor (was it?) so sure about her song? I think I will but the small letters in the contract were “short periods of time do not count in here”.
Then, I guess I might push and look further.
How’s the sky tonight? I guess it’s been long time since I saw a star up there. I think it was a moon eclipse in my birthday… Is it a promise of the fenix? Survive and come back from the ashes? I wish we can put away all bad dusty thoughts, chained thoughts, and become this into a very brand new start. I think my new year had two dates, the normal one (“normal counting on with Chinese and Christian and so on calendars”) and my birthday. I used to think birthdays are too corny but it’s not exactly presents what we see, a box of chocolates, necklaces, blouses… It is just one and “simple” thing, the day we started breathing. This answers me something I had in mind last weeks. Now I understand when was the day I was really alive and this day, was the day I enjoyed for first time the miracle of life.

Fly me to the moon...

Well, Xmas again… In fact I didn’t want to write something ‘bout Xmas ‘cause is always the same (at least to me) and I think it is cheap to write about it. It’s just… I think the theme is over!!! But when you lose your flight and the next year (same date) they say your flight is late… well, what else to write about??? Yeah tricky things from destiny. Last year all my colleagues were really in shock ‘cause very many stupid reasons I lost my trip, my beloved dream to go back home and get a couple of warm hugs. No, no, no. No way to go back or at least, on that time. Then I was so frustrated ‘cause as a student, and first time I was more than one month out of home, well, the only thought I had was I just wanted family medicine. And no, they returned me, poor little girl, back home. Crying a river (even an old woman helped me with luggage… yeah! I was too confused!) and waiting daddy’s money could arrive just in time that little princess could go home. I think is shitty, I really think its hard to spend those kind of special dates without family. Then I think now why to write about Xmas is important and at least I think even we could be sort of “Grinchs” , I think there’s always something in those kind of peoples eyes that I cannot believe they hate Xmas at all. Yeah, yeah with the “lot of money spent” and so on, but I think its one time all people move around the world just to get there, its just a dinner, but the most important of the year. All time we’re very busy and we don’t know how but in Xmas we have it. People pay super big quantities for a ticket and travel so far… This year a flight company in Spain closed all their flights ’cause let’s put it like this, they were everything but not exactly safe. Well, it breaks me when I know there’s a big case of “immigrants” and I do also know they break their backs to work and send a little money to their families who really depend on that. All everything to reach this special date and with hands on waist they say “ok no more traveling” And do not think about the money, this craps are still not telling anything to them. Did you realize how many things we could know just looking? This is turning into that frustrating movie with Tom Hanks, the one he’s for very many days living in the airport, how frustrating it is huh?! And do not tell last week I lost my flight from Frankfurt to Barcelona with that cheap company (that of course only students can afford) and the way back was a real shame. Getting back into the theme… I wish you all happy holidays. I’m probably a fool to believe people can swallow this corny thoughts or wishes, but think about it. As I said we’re all connected in some certain way, I think when we make something together its strength can be great. As when we pray, we laugh, we hope even when we claim something. We humans always turn things important when it is in a big crowd and that moves me. My heart shakes when beside thinking when we can push the other down or when we pretend not seeing people dying (‘cause we’re too worried trying to get a small place into the big monster of the capitalism)… well, then I think we can still keep our hearts biting. I wish it was bigger our worry to others and our empathy but just little sparks can move me out from the way of apocalypses or from those who think humans are broken without any help. Personally I believe in God, and I thank him for all this year. Good tastes and bad ones, the perfect mixture is again when we feel alive and we want to go further. That’s until now, my invaluable trick. Thanks and wait, ‘cause the corny Xmas stories are not over until I bring you the very special one, New Year’s eve!!! Free hugs for all!!!!!!!! Ursula